self-pity mode on....
Thursday, September 18, 2008 / 4:56 PM
Realise my frens get lesser as i grow older.. sad as it seems, but it is so so true.. is that suppose to be part & parcel of life? my another turning point in life? at times i really hate the life i m having now...okay, not to say hate.. but life can be really lonely for me at times or rather most of the times..& i starts to realise i dreaded the loneliness..i just hate it so much to be alone at times.. or when it come to searching for gal frens to go shopping. there just aren't anyone.. hiazzs....
I guess my life have changed alot from don't know when..STill rem i used to have activities almost everyday.. but i try to ctrl to 2-3 days per wk so that some days i can go home for dinner & keep parent company.. but now, just wanting to go shop for wedding stuff with gal frens seems so hard. everyone is busy with their life, they are either mother, mother-to-be, wife, wife-to-be, good gfs etc.. haha.. each have a role to play with nw...& my those usu shopping mates now are tight dwn with their life too..i know i know.. its life.. & i shant be complaining too much.. cos there are times i m too busy with my life that i neglected frens too.. but for nw, i gues i m still adapting the sudden change in my life. :( suddenly everyone is busy with their own stuff. and suddenly i hate being alone..
i know instead of dwelling & feeling sad being alone. i should learn to b independence.. learn to make decision on things i like to buy... learn learn learn & get myself out of all these...
i tried..but when i'm alone.. i rather heed home den to go shopping. wat's with me? i wasn't like this in the past.. i rem i went around getting stuff i want alone & i m feeling okay.. i m feeling frustrated with myself, with al the changes.. & i even starts to getl angry with pple who make me feel alone.. *for those who read it & feel u r one of them.. i m sorry, i just need to rattle out my anger.. having serious mood swing.. :( *.. i know its no fault of anyone except myself.. problem lies in me & not anyone else.. i thought i can be the independent gal i used to.. but i failed after a few attempts. starts to get dishearted with myself.. i really doubt if i can be that independent again. s.times in life, u starts to change & u did not realise it. By the time u wish to revert back to the person u once were, u realise its impossiible.. the anger, frustration, sadness just get into you and u feel so useeless that u were being defeated by ur ownself & you just can't even solve this simple little problem........... guess that's hw i feel nw.. :(
WAts really wrong with me??? argh....................................................
