aftermath feeling of 1st Kickboxing class
Tuesday, January 29, 2008 / 5:10 PM
kickboxing class tonight again..but my mood is very draggy nw..am down with giddinesss today..hmmmm..still thinking should i go for the class tonite..erm..do i sound like i'm finding excuses not to go..hahaha.. Again, the tot of gg alone & waiting alone for the class to start is turning me off..but when i'm really into the lesson..IT's FUN!!!
oh ya,i've not blog about what happen in the 1st lesson huh..hmmmm..let me think..It is a class of around 20 people..All are gals except 1 miserable guy..guess that guy is ther to accompany his gf/wife..hao nan ren wor..hee.. the instructor is a lady..admire her kickboxing moves..hw to describe? hmmmm.. its like i feel myself so funi & soft with the punches & kicks..hers are with power & beautiful? well, sorry..really dun noe hw to describe..haha..anyway, i'm 1/100 compared to hers..wahaha...
the class was fun just that as expected there were times when i cant catch up with the pace or rather the steps..there are different steps for different music..& some of the more chim (to me) one..i was totally lost..haha..still can remember myself stuck halfway during the lesson, all i did was standing there & watch the instructor & at the same time trying to siam kicks & punches from pple around me..super comical lor..i guess i was more busying siam-ing den to observe the instructor's step..wahaha..
Initially, after the lesson ended, my whole body was still okie..I was thinking to myself..eh, not much aching.. Does that means I've not exercising enuf.. was like, din exercise much..hw to tone?? well, i guess those worries were extra..wahaha.. my aching came the nxt day when i woke up..the moment i step dwn frm my bed, i feel the pain frm my soles (due to jumping)..then i start to realise my whole body is aching..even my arms..wahaha.. every step is a torture & the thought of walking frm home to MRT stn freak mi out tat morning..
still rem my bro was telling his gf (infront of me) tat night after my lesson. that my sis shldn't be suffering frm much aching cos she goes gym often..wahaha.. i was like still feeling proud with bro's words (thou gym times seemed ages ago..gues it had been more den half a yr since i stepped in.. )..If he were to know that his sis was suffering from aching.. confirm MALU!!!
argh!!!!.......
finally manage to enroll for the kickboxing class..but nw i'm freaking out!!!
Tuesday, January 22, 2008 / 4:05 PM
Kickboxing class starting today..hmmmm..hw should i go on explaining hw i'm feeling now? initially when i manage to reserve a slot.. i was damn happy..feeling was like i finally manage to reserve a slot, after so numerous failed attempts..so when i actually took the trouble to go down & made the payment.. i'm still feeling happy & excited that i've enrolled myself to the class..But now, i kind of having a freak out feeling..haha..
erm..eh.. can i not go tonight? the thought of me going alone to that unfamilar place for exercise kind of freak me out alot..just like ur 1st day to sch..U don't know where is the room, where is the toilet, where is the locker..I'm sure gg to b a big sotong looking toopid tonight..haha..& i guess i'm gg to look stupid trying to kick & punch..i tried kickboxing classes b4 at planet fitness..i still rem i have a hard time catching up with the instructor's pace & i see hw pple around kick & punch with power. .mine was like soft..& leg cant kick up high..wahaha..to think of it,i feel myself super comical..haha..
but good thing with that exercise is..it allows me to vent out all the frustration inside me..still rem the 1st time i tried the exercise..I was super angry with an officer at work..during the exercise,i visualise he was just infront of me & i tried with all my might to punch & kick him..wahhaa..after the classes, not only did i feel i had a great workout..my feeling was so much better too..al the anger, hate, frustration was out!!!.haha..
hmmmm..actually all drills back to my dependence i guess..anyway,hope i will have fun tonight..
*failed attempts : the response for the kickboxing classes are so overwelming that everytime after checking the schedule in the net, after choosing the slot both jenna & i can make it..the class was full..We've tried enrolling the class again & again..whenever the class is full, we've got to wait for anthr 2 mths for the nxt class to start..hiazs..haha..but jenna, so sorry..this time i pang sey u & enroll 1st..I've got to tone myself asap..haha..erm,thou its like difficult..but got try better den no have..hee.. :p
树、叶子、风
Monday, January 21, 2008 / 5:49 PM
叶子的离开，是因为风的追求，还是树的不挽留?
Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn’t ask her to stay
933 Music Diary..
i'm tao zui in Music Diary now..Miss this program real lots..such a waste that the program has ceased.. :( listening to the program..feeling so sentimental..it used to be a program where i looked forward to everyday(except weekend)..
so much feeling about this program..it once walked me thru the rough patch of my life..I'm not exaggerating..the story at times were inspirational,motivational stories where after listening..it made u reflect on ur life & urself..many a time, the DJ do give advise and encouragement to whoeva wrote the letter. even if not advises, she will say something that might just strike ur heart & left u thinking about it..
Today..i happen to do a google search for the program again. Was so happy and surprise to find some of them being uploaded to a site..will share the site soon..& blog more on this program..
Self blame...
Sunday, January 20, 2008 / 2:06 AM
Its me again..Back to my own isolated world...
Don't know what has got into me..Feeling so vexed nw..Been doing nothing the whole sat..& that makes mi blame myself so much..I hate self blame..the feeling is awful..depression can easily set in when i self blame too much..I'm avoiding that..but yet i don't know how to stop blaming myself. there seems so much to blame..its nvr ending..
When i failed s.one request, i blame myself for the disapointment i've caused to the person..i blame myself for making tat person unhappy..
At work,when colleague's email reflected bad on me. I blame myself for not being able to stand up for myself to clear the misunderstanding.
the blaming starts & the cycle goes on...
I should be sending resume today, should have tidy my messy room, should have done my laundry, should have have wake up early to do marketing with mum..but i did none of the task listed.. was just lazing around..i don't know y i m stressing myself so much..stressing myself to get my things done..
maybe its due to age? as u grow older.. u realise u don't wish to waste more time doing nothing & leting time pass just like this..thus for the past 1 wk.. i've been home trying to send resume no matter hw tired i m..i hate doing that.. i hate it when i was forcing myself to do things. it became a burden..maybe that's y i m feeling vexed & so unhappy today. mine was full of undone tasks..reminding myself again & again..but i just sit ther..DAZED!!
even now, i'm feeling real tired..phyiscally & mentally tired..& feeling alittle unwell on my gastric(Dad & mum finish the dinner w/o knowing i haven had mine.. gua gua gua..haha..) .i just din want to retire to bed..i bu gan yan slp..but yet, i have no heart & energy to do anything..What's really wrong with me?
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
if only i have a car.............
Saturday, January 19, 2008 / 7:50 PM
shit.. i've type a post & its gone w/o publishing..kaozs..................
I wish to meet no one today..i just wish to be alone.. i just wish to have a car to drive myself to places i've been longing to go..its been such a long time since i last visit them.. i miss airport, I miss the beach,i miss labrador's park & i miss star grazing so so much..I've yet to step into changi broadway, i've yet to find the spot at changi beach.. i want to go pick saga seed around seletar area.. u pple reading this might think i m crazy..y m i yearning for such boring places.. these are places i can find my calmness, peace.. places i can de-stress myself.. do u believe, i'm having monday blues now? the moment i open my eyes tis aftrnoon, i blame myself for wasting half of my sat slping away.. but i m just so tired.. i wanted to choose to slp away my sat.. yet, i m not willing to do so.. :( ...
I don't hate my job. i really don't but y the monday blue on a sat? y? y? y? maybe weekend is just too precious to me..every work day.. i look forward to the weekend, & every weekend, i appreciate it by wasting it away.. haha..
if only i have car..if only i m richer..if only life could be simpler...
Counting down....
Thursday, January 17, 2008 / 5:43 PM
Time now is 5.46 (as in PC time.. )..
Counting down to 6.15.. there's a drink session tonight by the company..Wanted to attend, but guess i choose not to now..
Main reason ...
Mum cook my favourite Cabbage Fried Rice!!!
2ndly..
Might be meeting Elieen for a short shopping...
Hiazs, other colleagues were asking me to join..what they say do make sense..There are not much benefits from this company..Since tonight drinks are free.. we should go..haha..LAst time I used to feel excited going to drinks session..since i don't get to go often.. i like to see the places company bring us to..if its nice ambience & reasonable price.. Can consider going with frens other days.. but but but................
still feeling half hearted.. to go or not to go???
Its time to learn to be independent again...
15/01/08
Went Suntec alone after being flew aeroplane by an idiot!! wahaha.oki oki, he claim he needed to do OT. Guess i can't blame him since its not within his control.Initially i jio him because I did not want to go alone & shop alone..haha..anyway, i was left alone at the end..I survived!! Meet christine for dinner & shop in her shop for 45minS? haha..
Bottomline : I survived shopping alone...
16/01/08
Went to temple during lunch. Suppose to meet Elieen there..at the end, she only manage to meet me after my praying & after my lunch at the hawker centre..it was the 1st time i ate alone in hawker center..haha..ytd was the hunger that brave me up eating alone. I was just too hungry. it wasn't that bad as i used to think eating alone..my table was shared by all the loners..haha.. all came without partners!!! What a coincident!!
Bottomline : i survive being alone & eating alone again..
Actually,I still remember that i was more independent in the past. i often go out alone. I don't really have to find friends for company.. I don't feel sianzs knowing that i have to go to a place by myself..I can go gym on my own..I can go airport & beach on my own..I can do lotsa things alone.. But now i realise even going to my office downstairs. I will go around jio-ing pple to go..haha.. I got to get back the independence i once have..
I've learnt ... being too independent issn't beneficial to ownself.
1st to reach office... *smirky smile...*
Wednesday, January 16, 2008 / 11:48 AM
I'm the 1st to reach office today.. reach at 9.11am (based on my hp timing)..so happy!! was still rushing like mad..at 1st tot i will reach at 9.15am..haha.. so surprise to see that no one is in office yet (of cos the boss is in already)..
well, I'm going to aim to leave this sickening place latest by 6.15pm..Actually, coming in on time or earlier feels good, at least now when I meet frens..they don't have to wait for me (when i was late, i will work for the extra time to cover my late-ness). I can now leave on the dot or latest by 6.10.. feels so much normal now. hee..
Been trying to aim reaching at 8.45am..Guess should be good enuf to reach at 9.. Will try harder nxt time..haha.. =)
Time now is 10.58am..COunting dwn to 6.15pm..
Follow up on Friday catch up in office...
Tuesday, January 15, 2008 / 3:22 PM
Follow up on the catch up on friday..Well, I'm too tired to grumble anymore.. just to conclude that, my work, effort & respondsibility are not appreciated at all..Feeling now are extreme disapointment..I've done my best to do my part..& I am confident enuf to say out loud "I have been respondsible in my work" I'm no longer the employee u all used to know..but I guess all are useless now..maybe the more effort u made.. the more disapointment u get..hiazs...
Maybe I'll go in & request a chat with boss..at least i get all my doubts inside me cleared.. at least i can explain to him in person what I have been doing in the company. I believe he does not know what I have been doing.. I hope i can brave myself up & go talk to him..the negative thinking in myself is slowly killing me..it only made me more depress & dragging to worki.. :(..until i brave up, guess for now I can only try my best to bring up my morale..its hard, & i m trying hard too..]
of cos, i've not given up seeking greener pastures elseware..just that luck dun seems to be on myside..hmmmmm...
yaya!! i'm happy working here.. (-.-)
Friday, January 11, 2008 / 5:42 PM
OKi,I'm done with the catch up..
not anything great.. as usu, i left the room feeling helpless for myself.
the usu qn the boss like to ask mi.. "are you happy working here?" & tat goes the
usu lie I have to force myself to say "oh ya, i'm fine here. ...................... "
grumble more tonite if i got the chance to do so...gota pack & wait for knock off..
suddenly my mood is so affected by the talk. I m really really sick of the boss.. when can i really leave here? argh!!!...
was actually looking forward to knock off time..gg to bridal shop.. but guess gota try to get my mood up a little..
ting & guan are gg with me.. they seems more excited than me.. wahhaa...erm.. i dun forsee myself looking gd anyway.. sad rite? kaozs.. i m damn bei guan huh? haha...
WHATEvER!!!
Individual catch up with boss!!!
A short informal catch up with boss today!! argh!! again!! i hate this 1 to 1 mit up..Feeling so uneasy now.. my mit up time slot is at 4pm.. gosh!! i just went over to chat with lee..told him i'm scare..he was teasing me thru out the whole conversation, asking mi wat i m scare of..seriously i'm not sure what I am scare of..mayb was worried of being complained(thou I think i have seriously tried my best in my job.. just tat getting more & more slack lately..)!! maybe was just no confident with myself.. haha.. maybe was worried i'm not able to ans qns asked by him..wat i say will definitely not tally with wat my heart think..tats for sure..with a negative mind, what more can i say or expect when going into the room?
maybe i shan't worry abt a single thing at all..instead i should brave up & request for salary review? haha..
finger crossed.. hope things goes well..
Happy New Year!! =)
Wednesday, January 2, 2008 / 6:06 PM
Happy New year to everyone!! Hope 2008 is a better year for all of u..
I hope mine too & i guess some efforts might b needed to make it a great one..hee.. =)
Come across this sentence & suddenly left me thinking which one was i thinking at the last min of 2007
"An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves."
After I post out this sentence into my msn nick, there are 2 comments saying I must be the one making sure the old year leaves.. haha..
well, seriously i dun noe which one was I thinking. I just know i have kind of set my new year resolution for this year & i m gg to try my best to do it..
was looking forward for the new yr for my resolution to kick in..at the same time hoping 2007 to leave cos i've left quite a few things in 2007 that i've decided not to bring over to the new yr.. I'm a mixture of both? haha.. anyway, whichever i belong to.. i've failed one of my resolution this morning..(thats to reach office on time..wahaha..) & guess what I had left in 2007 still sticking with me now.. :(
Will try to post up my resolution soon.. =)
