Self blame...
Sunday, January 20, 2008 / 2:06 AM
Its me again..Back to my own isolated world...
Don't know what has got into me..Feeling so vexed nw..Been doing nothing the whole sat..& that makes mi blame myself so much..I hate self blame..the feeling is awful..depression can easily set in when i self blame too much..I'm avoiding that..but yet i don't know how to stop blaming myself. there seems so much to blame..its nvr ending..
When i failed s.one request, i blame myself for the disapointment i've caused to the person..i blame myself for making tat person unhappy..
At work,when colleague's email reflected bad on me. I blame myself for not being able to stand up for myself to clear the misunderstanding.
the blaming starts & the cycle goes on...
I should be sending resume today, should have tidy my messy room, should have done my laundry, should have have wake up early to do marketing with mum..but i did none of the task listed.. was just lazing around..i don't know y i m stressing myself so much..stressing myself to get my things done..
maybe its due to age? as u grow older.. u realise u don't wish to waste more time doing nothing & leting time pass just like this..thus for the past 1 wk.. i've been home trying to send resume no matter hw tired i m..i hate doing that.. i hate it when i was forcing myself to do things. it became a burden..maybe that's y i m feeling vexed & so unhappy today. mine was full of undone tasks..reminding myself again & again..but i just sit ther..DAZED!!
even now, i'm feeling real tired..phyiscally & mentally tired..& feeling alittle unwell on my gastric(Dad & mum finish the dinner w/o knowing i haven had mine.. gua gua gua..haha..) .i just din want to retire to bed..i bu gan yan slp..but yet, i have no heart & energy to do anything..What's really wrong with me?
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
